Things That Actually Make Me Smile #2

The Bristol Renaissance Faire

I tell you, that was the day. Men were men, women were property, and everything carried disease. Now, I can relive those days without fear of bubonic plague or being tortured and burned as a heretic! Good food, plentiful drinks, and many saucy wenches to manhandle. No, seriously, you would not believe how much skin you get to see at one of these events. Apparently you get half price admission with dramatic cleavage. If you don't believe me, ask anybody who's gone. Plus, the shows are pretty good, and the shops are fun. But mostly there's lots and lots of cleavage.

On Anyone Reading Anything Oprah Tells Them To Read

Look, this is not the person you should be looking to when making literary selections. Let me guess what the latest selection you are reading is: "a dramatic story of one woman's struggle to gain independence and redemption while finding an unlikely romance." Am I close? Damn right I am. Anyone continuing to read this type of tripe is an affront to the literary world and should be bludgeoned to death with a copy of The Great Gatsby.

Computer Viruses

You know, this is something that is really starting to piss me off to no end. It's getting so that you can't even think about opening an e-mail without your computer self-destructing in some spectacular fashion. And for no other reason than some snot nosed little bastard has no life and needs to power trip by screwing around with everyone.
If you're going to make viruses, at least make them interesting. Have a virus that makes my computer play "Dueling Banjos" over and over. Or just causes the thing to burst into flames as demonic laughter echoes from the speakers. Now that's a virus.