On Vegetarians

First, let's get one thing straight. If we were not meant to eat meat, then our eyes would be on the sides of our heads. God, these people make me sick. "Meat is Murder!" they cry. Well, of course it is, dummy. The animals aren't going to commit suicide for us. We are at the top of the food chain for a reason. We'll eat anything. Look, plants are great; I love a nice salad before my steak. Ask yourself this: Do cows do anything useful for nature? You can't say milk, because the vegans say milk exploits the animal. Same goes for cheese. So basically, all cows do is stand around all day and produce methane. And deer do nothing besides get in the way of cars. And well I'm at it, minks are useless to, so why not make coats out of them?
You don't want to eat meat? Fine, go out into the woods and crunch up all the berries and leaves you want, you commie hippie. All this does is move you down a couple of notches on the food chain. Then we can all laugh as we hunt you down, shoot you through the head, and feast upon your roasted corpse.